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Hi, I'm Tracy! I'm a wife and a mom. I'm also a survivor of abuse, trauma, and homelessness. Today, unless I told you my story, you wouldn't know the problems I've faced and overcome. You wouldn't know the abuse I endured at the hands of those that were supposed to love and care for me. You wouldn't know that anger I kept inside for years, or the fear of rejection I constantly felt.
You wouldn't know that I hated myself and everyone around me, or the confusion I felt because I didn't want to be a terrible, mean, nasty kid (and teenager, and adult). I knew why I was the way I was, but I didn't know how to change myself. Numerous counselors, therapists, friends and pastors tried to help, but none of that worked. I still felt the ugliness welling up inside me all too often. And when I say often, I don't mean every once in a while, I mean almost constantly. Every day, sometimes all day. I had my eldest son at 19, was a single mom by 20. I disciplined him too often, sometimes too hard. I never beat my child, but I was definitely way too hard on him. I finally learned how to stop. It was difficult, but I knew I didn't want to raise him, even slightly, in the same manner in which I was raised. It took me 25 long years, but I figured out the method to overcoming generational abuse. I knew I couldn't stop for myself, but I stopped for my children. I developed this method because I was NOT going to have my children bitter and angry. My eldest still has some resentment towards me, and I understand. That's the consequence of me not taking charge of my own emotions and actions sooner. But, he has always known that he is loved. He has always been provided for. He has always known I would never abuse him, nor would I allow anyone else to hurt him. Ever. Both my children know and understand these truths. That is the most important thing in the world to me.
Also, I've been married 4 times. 4 TIMES Y'ALL. My husband is the most patient and loving person in the world. I think I finally got it right this time. Before, I wasn't patient enough to try to work through problems. One of my ex husbands and I would beat each other up. That was unhealthy and volatile. My children witnessed it once, and that was the last straw. I left a few days later. I had never stayed with anyone for longer than a year and a half. My husband and I have been married almost 7 years, and he still loves me, and I still love him. He has the patience of a saint. But it sure took some mistakes in my younger years to get to him. My life has been a process. But, I finally found my way.
